Tag Archives: Comedy

And another ones gone… And another ones gone… Another one bites the dust!

I don’t know what’s more difficult, devoting a full 31 days of the year to Schlock or working on the post game summary.

Boom! Done! Finished! Hasta La Vista Baby! Elvis has left the building! This year’s Schlocktoberfest was brought to you by the letter C which stands for Creature Feature and holy hell I think I set a personal record as there were 8 films that consisted of giant monsters, Giant Octopuses, Sharks of the Mega and 2 headed variety, carnivorous tentacles, 7 foot wasps, and hostile aliens.  If you’re sensing a bit of deja vu with several of these entries its because I went back into the archives and condensed older reviews from the first version of The Direct 2 Video Dungeon. This is also why you might have spotted a lot of this year’s list focusing on productions from 2012 with several coming from The Asylum.

The variety was off the charts – regular zombies, vampiric zombies, homicidal paper boys, psychotic grandparents, a couple generic slashers here and there and an reanimated corpse that dresses up as Uncle Sam. Go ahead and pick your poison.  Oh plus a book and soundtrack review that ended up taking the place of the horror based video games I covered last year (my gaming habits have been pretty sporadic lately and didn’t have enough time to look for any games that fit into the Schlocktoberfest mold).

Before I get to my top 10 Schlocktoberfest 2K16 picks I would like to once again thank all of you who came along for this wild ride. Schedules can be difficult to work around and there were days where life got in the way but I was still able to throw together an update of some kind. I know that in the last two years I’ve stated that I had plans to update this blog more often and thanks to procrastination getting the better of me that never happened. Well I do plan to be back very soon as I have a couple ideas I want to expand on so you’ll most likely be seeing me around sometime in Mid-November. As of right now I intend to enjoy the rest of my Halloween and start November off by catching up on the latest episodes of Elementary, West World, Gotham and the season 3 finale of The Strain. Until the next time – keep a stiff upper lip.

Schlocktoberfest 2K16 Must Watch List: 

1 – Stranger Things – Technically not a movie unless you view this Netflix hit as it was intended through binge watching and even then each episode is presented in chapters so really this is what I’d refer to as an episodic live action book. A series starring children with adult tones. Horror, science fiction, drama, romance wrapped up tightly in an coming of age bow. You’ve had an entire month to watch this so if you flat out ignored my recommendation never come to this blog again…. EVER!

2 – The Witch – Beyond effective delivery, stunning performances, spine tingling results. If you grew up with a basic of witch folklore prepare to have all of your senses jolted.

3 – The Poughkeepsie Tapes – Blending the popular docudrama style of Discovery Channel’s New Detectives with the found footage genre there were moments where I felt a twinge of legitimate fear that wouldn’t subside until two or three days later. Can only hope John Erick Dowdle wasn’t blowing smoke about getting a distribution deal with MGM finalized as this needs a proper DVD/Blu-ray release.

4 – Godzilla vs. Destoroyah – 2016 featured another big return for Japan’s native son and when Funimation signed a deal with Toho to distribute Shin Godzilla for a limited U.S. theatrical engagement I don’t think The King’s handlers knew what was going to happen. One week and $1.5 million later and Shin Godzilla decided to stay take in the sights and sounds of the good old U.S.A. for a little while longer. I still missed out so Funimation when you announce pre-orders for Blu-ray I’ll be ready. Godzilla vs Destoroyah on the other hand is a real treat for G-fans as at the time it was intended to be a hiatus for Toho and what a send off the effects are completely jaw dropping, the story features a few new concepts all the while paying tribute to Godzilla’s humble origins. If you don’t have this in your collection you’re not a true Godzilla fan.

5 – Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies – Don’t really have to say much here. Abraham Lincoln kills zombies and does so in such a kick ass way you’ll be completely shell-shocked  when you realize this was an Asylum production. Thank you Bill Oberst Jr. without your screen presence this production would have been brain dead long before the zombies reached it.

6 – 10 Cloverfield Lane – Goodbye handheld camcorder hello Hitchockian suspense. The not so much a sequel as it a completely different concept that no one saw coming. What a pleasant surprise give John Goodman a fallout shelter set off an apocalyptic event and watch the tension build to a fever pitch.

7 – The Final Girls – Would have been much higher up on the list if not for a PG-13 rating. I’ll say it one more time for good measure – A PG-13 slasher flick?!?!?!? Never in all my 35 years of life would I have thought such a thing could exist. Oh well it dusts off some old ideas applies some polish and presents them in like new condition.

8 – Deep Rising – Oh Stephen Sommers how I miss thee, this is back when you presented some actual fun ideas. There’s not one person in the entire cast where I feel their talent was wasted. There are one liners galore, thrills, chills, gross out moments and plenty of laughs. Don’t get any second ideas here just because Deep Rising is in the number 8 position doesn’t mean it’s not as good as the films above in fact its the second highest rated creature feature next to Godzilla so if you’re looking for something completely campy but is so much fun don’t pass this one by.

9 – Don’t Breathe – Want to really throw audiences for a loop? Make a movie where 90% of the time the characters don’t even talk to one another. Don’t Breathe locks in the tension in a way where you don’t care if there’s dialogue you’re too concerned with monitoring your own pulse and wondering if your heart is going to into cardiac arrest by the time the credits roll.

10 – The Millennium Bug – Demented hillbillies, a normal everyday family getting off the grid to avoid any Y2K catastrophe and oh yeah a grotesque behemoth who’s rudely awakened from his  peaceful hibernation. If you miss the days of Stan Winston and Rick Baker this indie creature feature isn’t afraid to raise its practically created middle finger towards every CGI heavy production polluting the entertainment industry.

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Schlocktoberfest 2K16 Day 30: The Final Girls (2015)

The 1980s called and they don't want want their poster back. In fact they're very jealous. This goes above and beyond incredible artwork.
The 1980s called and they don’t want want their poster back. In fact they’re very jealous. This goes above and beyond incredible artwork.

Synopsis: A young woman grieving the loss of her mother, a famous scream queen from the 1980s, finds herself pulled into the world of her mom’s most famous movie. Reunited, the women must fight off the film’s maniacal killer.

A couple days ago in the opening paragraph of my review on 2012’s Girls Gone Dead I asked if horror movie cliches had become cliches in themselves. The standard cut and paste job is why the genre fizzled out in the mid to late ’90s and the only time when the iron was put back into the fire was when film makers took a step back and looked at the most popular concepts from a completely different angle. One of the highlights of Schlocktoberfest 2014 was Behind The Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon which focused a majority of that film solely from the perspective of the slasher villain himself. A year later featured Tucker and Dale vs. Evil where a game of role reversal was played with a pair of Hillbillies being the normal ones and a group of college kids were the homicidal maniacs.  Looking to top both of those The Final Girls throws a group of movie goers into a ’80s themed summer camp slasher flick that is a loving tribute (right down to the Harry Manfredini-esque theme song) to Friday the 13th. Ever since Scream established the rules one has to follow in order to survive who wouldn’t mind having the opportunity to jump into their favorite horror movie  and see if you could out smart the machete wielding hock mask wearing killer when all of the main cast were done in by the over three decades worth of cliches that we spotted coming from a mile away.  One of the movie goers even uses this knowledge to try and guide the rest through without any harm but the movie itself isn’t having any of that and uproots all those normal horror tropes to the point where there isn’t a playing field to try and get a level advantage from.

Whenever the buzz for certain projects hit the internet I always remain the reserved skeptic. It’s not that I don’t believe a lot of the positive word of mouth I’ve always kept my guard up until I’m about halfway through the feature. The Final Girls attention to detail is my favorite quality about it where the normal world is very crisp and sharp much like any high definition camera one would pick up at Best Buy. Once everyone is thrown into the 1980s though the look changes drastically to be more in tune with that of VHS tape where the contrast dial is turned all the way up and every now and then you could almost sense that there’s a speck of dirt that appears on the film grain. From top to bottom the casting is near perfect with Malin Akerman Alia Shawkat and Alexander Ludwig being instantly recognized by my subconscious. It took about a half hour to realize that Thomas Middleditch is also featured but quite honestly the only thing I know him from is a Conan ‘O Brien sketch. Where Final Girls stumbles a couple steps is an observation that many  have brought up pertaining to red corn syrup or lack thereof. I don’t quite get that decision as Middleditch’s slasher horror aficionado even ponders if the movie’s characters blood is made up entirely of red corn syrup. I mean come on in my 35 years of life I’ve never heard of a thing as a PG-13 slasher film. The writers and directors can drop a couple F-bombs and various sex and drug references yet they’re too afraid to throw vats of fake blood on everyone? Makes me wonder if The Final Girls had an initial R rating and the studio up and stepped in to try and reach a wider demographic. Other than that if one wants to create an obscure horror trilogy of unrelated modern classics Behind The Mask, Tucker and Dale vs. Evil and The Final Girls is an imposing trifecta of hilarious terror that everyone shouldn’t be afraid  to tackle between now and October 31st. Don’t worry there’s still plenty of time… Right? Right!!!…

Final Grade: A-

Schlocktoberfest 2K16 Day 27: Deep Rising (1998)

It was a choice between the Deep Rising DVD artwork or the theatrical poster. The '90s was a decade full of bad promotional artwork.
It was a choice between the Deep Rising DVD artwork or the theatrical poster. The ’90s was the absolute worst decade for promotional artwork

Synopsis: A group of heavily armed hijackers board a luxury ocean liner in the South Pacific Ocean to loot it, only to do battle with a series of large-sized, tentacled, man-eating sea creatures who have taken over the ship first.

What defines a seminal creature feature? Two of the biggest qualities that will stand out for a lot of people are overall impact and longevity.  Each and everyone of us remember the days of sitting on the couch at our grandparents’ house drawn to the television screen to the point where if something freakishly weird happened such as the sky opening up and it raining down 100  dollar bills even that wouldn’t be enough to draw us away.  Part of the longevity factor is how well the special effects hold up over time from the impressionable moments of youthful innocence up till full fledged adulthood where we can sit and look back at childhood nostalgia and go was this something that was released at a point in time where certain fads and phenomenons were impacting pop culture to a point where they couldn’t be ignored.  Or was it simply high quality  film making at its very finest, nothing less and nothing more? Go ahead and pull up Jaws or Jurassic Park or Tremors even then go back further and explore the original King Kong or The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms or Japan’s response to both those classics in 1954 with Gojira. All the effects work in every one of those films that I just mentioned are what critics and average movie goers alike refer to as setting the standard.  Of the six listed only one took the mold and shattered the industry standard beyond repair where Hollywood began their journey into the unknown thanks to the advent of digital effects. Jurassic Park made us stare up at the silver screen in awe and wonder however once the mid-90s hit every major film studio was cashing in on the easier way to produce eye catching visuals to the point where what once was considered a special attraction in 1993 was relegated to the freak show a mere five years later.

In what will be the final creature feature to be included as part of Schlocktoberfest 2K16 Deep Rising hasn’t aged like a fine wine to be frank most wouldn’t compare it to bottle of Mumms. And let me set the record straight this is solely from a digital effects perspective as there are still a wide range of elements that drove the production above and beyond what any other science fiction/horror/action/comedy film of that era did. Take a competent director the likes of Stephen Sommers (before cinematic suicide attempts the likes of Van Helsing and GI Joe: Rise of Cobra) and let him loose with a fun script, genuine chuckle inducing one liners and some underrated casting the likes of the always bad ass Treat Williams, the stunningly gorgeous Famke Jannsen, the ever reliable and deeply missed Trevor Goddard and you get something that in many regards shouldn’t work. As the film continues to push forward at break neck speed one can’t help but get wrapped up in the fun popcorn flick style that Deep Rising has its tentacles tightly wrapped around. One thing I can’t figure out is how Sommers was able to write and direct this film and then immediately switching gears to work on The Mummy which was filmed and released almost a full year later. In many regards Deep Rising and The Mummy share the same DNA despite taking place in completely two different time periods and using the polar opposites in terms of movie monsters. Treat Williams’ Finnegan could be the distant relative of Brendan Frasier’s O’Connell as both have an affinity for firearms and equally explosive one liners. Frequent Sommers collaborator Kevin J. O’Connor slips into the role of a sniveling side kick although he’s not as weaselly as Beni was in The Mummy. Alright I sort of got off course somewhat so let’s wrap this up Deep Rising goes beyond a guilty pleasure or cult classic it was released during the beginning of 1998 which was a horrible decision because even to this very day this has summer blockbuster written all over it. Stephen Sommers reached his zenith in the span of two years and in the blink of an eye hasn’t been able to  get back on that same level of creativity again. I know you’re still out there Stephen. Want some friendly advice? Reinvent yourself, strip away the corporate side of the industry and get back to basics. A Deep Rising sequel most likely isn’t in the cards but a similar idea can go a long ways.

Final Grade: A

Schlocktoberfest 2K16 Day 26: 2 Headed Shark Attack (2012)

It's not an extreme sport unless you're surfing 2 headed shark induced waves.
It’s not an extreme sport unless you’re surfing a 2 headed shark induced wave.

Synopsis: Survivors escape to a deserted atoll after a Semester at Sea ship is sunk by a mutated two-headed shark. But when the atoll starts flooding, no one is safe from the double jaws of the monster as it eats fresh delicious women and men.

Every so often the appetizer that is served before a main course isn’t very appealing and in the case of Megashark vs. Giant Octopus while it helped The Asylum break out into a larger spectrum the film was marred with excessive pacing issues and a plot that withered and died not even a quarter of the way through. Despite these gaping flaws MSvGO is proud to walk that line between insanity and sheer genius fifty times over and in the years following its conception it has found a loyal following from creature feature fanatics. Now if you weren’t satisfied with little to no blood or gore or even less of Megashark and Giant Octopus laying the smackdown on one another today we’re focusing on a much more savage predator born into this world with two heads attached to the same body and according to the DVD/Blu-ray tagline it has 6,000 teeth between the both of them. It couldn’t be a true shark movie without a bevy of bikini clad women and several dumb jocks and thankfully 2 Headed Shark Attack takes these two stereotypes and meshes them together better than peanut butter and jelly. The only thing worth questioning about the plot here is how Calvin Klein catalog models were able to get passing grades in their college courses in order to qualify for a semester at sea aboard a scientific research vessel but than again maybe its best to throw all logic off the port bow considering if you try and devote more than 5 minutes to dismantling an Asylum production you deserve to get ripped to shreds by a 2 headed terror.

One has to wonder what the person who coined the phrase two heads are better than one would think of a schlocky horror flick the likes of 2 Headed Shark Attack? Would they sit and watch in awe as this awesome creation goes through hordes of college students faster than Leatherface and Michael Meyers could do in a weekend fueled by binge drinking,  ruthless chainsaw swinging, and competition kitchen knife throwing. While Megashark vs. Giant Octopus takes multiple viewings to live up to its namesake 2 Headed Shark Attack is near flawless in its overall execution wasting no time by killing a group of wake boarders within the first two minutes of the film. Why go for dull plot exposition? Bring on the shark ravaging goodness and that’s exactly what The Asylum promises and delivers upon in spades. If you’re a bad movie aficionado, like me, then you’ve probably built up sort of a immunity to watching trash cinema and in doing so you now actually encourage the film to kill off all the irritating characters with stone cold precision. 2 Headed Shark Attack wipes the floor with 99.999% of the cast and it does it so quickly that you’ll get an adrenaline high that lasts until the next victim bites the big one. The funny thing is that this never becomes overly cliched either you get someone dropping a horribly quipped one liner one moment and then quicker than you can say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious they’re in the belly of the beast trying to read Louisiana license plates realizing that they forgot to pack a flashlight. This is another Asylum feature where there are some spectacular locations to take in plus I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed the spontaneity that the filmmakers took here where they didn’t keep everyone fighting for survival on just a broken down boat. Moving the action to an atoll made for a great change of pace because it gives the group what they think is a safe haven but when sudden earthquakes begin to rip everything apart all the survivors know that they are now royally screwed. Looking at the acting both Brooke Hogan and Carmen Electra were able to hit their marks respectively more so than any of the other actors featured but in many regards there isn’t anything that they add to the movie as a whole. Electra is well past her prime looking like she had to trim down quite a bit to fit into a swim suit and even when viewers get a scene of her tanning its nothing like almost two decades earlier when posters of her were selling like hotcakes. Brooke Hogan, on the other hand, is a Jill of all trades including a pop singer, a model, has followed in her father’s footsteps by being a professional wrestling personality of sorts, and now with her trying to become a respectable actress the only thing she does in 2 Headed Shark Attack (way too much I might add) is flaunt herself in a bikini top. Charlie O’Connell proves that he can handle any part that his brother would most likely pass on without a second thought. It was such a blast watching this guy all the while thinking to myself ‘Hmmm, I wonder how Jerry would deliver that line???’ Witnessing a 2 headed shark devour everything in its sight is the main reason to drop rental money down on this and in doing so I have to ask – is it weird that I secretly obsess over wanting to see a major network pick up a sitcom with both the 2 headed shark and Charlie O’Connell working together to solve bizarre crimes on the high seas? Personally I think that has the words smash hit written all over it.

Final Grade: C+

Schlocktoberfest 2K16 Day 22: Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies (2012)

The Great Emancipator, The Great American Ass Kicker!
The Great Emancipator, The Great American Ass Kicker!

Synopsis: While the Civil War rages on, President Abraham Lincoln must undertake an even more daunting task – destroying the Confederate Undead.

Over the course of the history of the film industry there have been many portrayals of Honest Abe whether its Frank McGlynn, Sr or Robert V. Barron to more recent interpretations from Benjamin Walker and Daniel Day Lewis.  2010 would see Lincoln’s popularity soar to new heights in the most unusual way when author Seth Grahame-Smith gave the world an interesting horror/alternate history mash up cleverly titled Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter about how the future 16th president led a secret life hunting down and killing unholy bloodsuckers. The book became an instant hit and a couple years later would spawn a feature film adaptation in which the aforementioned Benjamin Walker starred in the title role. Before the movie had a chance to hit theaters the masters of mockbusters over at The Asylum struck with their own alternate version of history as President Lincoln had an even bigger threat to conquer besides slavery – a zombie outbreak. Like any Asylum production the normal rules of right and wrong don’t apply and absurdity ultimately wins the day. Someone must have dropped acid before they cracked open a U.S. history book and took almost every major historical icon from the era and intertwined them into the story. Besides Lincoln himself the cast of characters are rounded out by a young Teddy Roosevelt, Confederate General Stonewall Jackson, future Wild West lawman Pat Garrett, and the infamous John Wilkes Booth who is working as a double agent planted inside Lincoln’s secret service. Everything is set into motion with Abe in the middle of writing The Gettysburg Address but then he is quickly interrupted and informed of a mysterious outbreak that has hit in a southern fort where people who have succumbed to the disease reanimate as the mindless walking dead and have an intense craving for living flesh. Reminded of an earlier incident that took place during his youth in which he lost both of his parents Honest Abe immediately jumps into action by personally leading a group of men on a daring mission to stop this infestation from spreading throughout America. Okay on second thought whoever came up with this is an absolute genius because for as absurd as it sounds you have to witness the beautiful carnage that is unleashed in this mockbuster masterpiece for yourself, its simply a sight to be seen. Where else are you going to get the opportunity to watch a legendary U.S. president running around lopping zombie’s heads off with a retractable scythe? Good luck trying to find anything the likes of that on the History Channel and if you’re expecting Spielberg’s overly dramatic Lincoln to be a man of (kicka$$) action I hate to break it to you but you’re going to be severely disappointed.

When I first watched Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies during the summer of 2012 I couldn’t believe how thoroughly enjoyable the finished results were. This ranks in as the absolute best Asylum film and I have no problems putting the Direct 2 Video Dungeon seal of approval on this bad boy. If you love getting friends together for a bad movie night Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies goes right to the very top of the list of recommendations. As someone who saw Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter in 3D I’ll admit that I had a lot of fun with both the blockbuster and the mockbuster yet it’s watching Abe wield a scythe like a madman that ends up getting higher replay value in this household. Anyone who goes into Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies with a serious attitude needs to get off their high horse and leave your brain with one of the undead. If there was any one complaint its that a lot of the actors used fake beards which is a tad unfortunate as if there had been a six month prep period there might have been several actors who would’ve given Kurt Russell and the rest of the cast of John Carpenter’s The Thing a run for their money in the most manly facial hair department. Apart from that ALvZ is a fun filled horror mash up chalked full of blood, brains, and gore so what are you waiting for? Nothing helps celebrate Abraham Lincoln’s birthday better than watching the 16th president open up a can and dispense it in grand low budget fashion.

Final Grade: A

Schlocktoberfest 2K16 Day 20: Megashark vs. Giant Octopus (2009)

My advice to Mega Shark and Giant Octopus is go listen to War's Why Can't We Be Friends and resolve their differences.
My advice to Mega Shark and Giant Octopus is go listen to War’s Why Can’t We Be Friends and resolve their differences.

Synopsis: The California coast is terrorized by two enormous prehistoric sea creatures as they battle each other for supremacy of the sea.

Ever since Stephen Spielberg’s rise to fame through the little tale of a killer great white shark going by the name of Jaws filmgoers have had a bloodthirsty obsession with the ocean’s greatest predators. In the near four decades since a wide array of copycats have tried unsuccessfully to seize the same sense of unknown terror that looms off shore. In the case of Megashark vs. Giant Octopus it’s a standard monster flick set up with a pair of scientists (one of them being Debbie Gibson) stealing a submarine and studying the migration patterns of whales while at the same time a military helicopter drops some experimental sonar transmitters in the same area disrupting the whales to the point where they crash into a nearby glacier freeing a hibernating Megalodon and a ginormous octopus. With chompers and eight arms unleashed on the modern world they quickly choose to take several millions years of pent up aggression out on a dumbstruck society. As time begins to run out and few options remain Gibson takes charge leading a ragtag bunch of scientists and a pony tailed Lorenzo Lamas into battle desperately searching for a way to deal with this terrifying double dose of teeth and tentacles. Realizing that contemporary artillery is having little to no effect on either beast and inspired by the legendary boxing match Thrilla In Manilla between Muhammad Ali and Smokin’ Joe Fraizer humanity’s last hope is getting these two monsters to battle one another in a fight to extinction.

Throughout the history of mankind there have been some truly dastardly pair ups – Frankenstein vs. The Wolfman, King Kong vs. Godzilla, Billy the Kid vs. Dracula, Joe vs. The Volcano, Alien vs. Predator, Freddy vs. Jason, and who could forget a rivalry intense as Vanilla Ice vs. Justin Bieber however all those pale in comparison to the monumental showdown between the notorious Megashark and Giant Octopus. I mean go ahead and try to get an appointment with wildlife expert Jack Hanna or wait until next August and tune into Shark Week on Discovery Channel chances are they won’t even acknowledge the age old question – Why do sharks and octopuses have such an undying hatred for one another? It remains one of those mysteries the likes of how far is up? Or why is the sky blue? Sure you could look long and hard and incorporate all sorts of scientific theory but as one day comes to a close and another begins it is easier to go with simple logic that both animals just can’t stand to be in the general vicinity of one another. In fact once the opening title logo pops up on the screen and these two prehistoric enemies are unthawed that’s exactly what they do, they head off on separate paths. I really can’t blame them for doing so as imagine getting into an intense argument with your roommate over who ate the last bag of Oreos when all of a sudden a freak ice age ends up cryogenically freezing you for 25 million years and then a weird accident ends up waking you up. Would you continue belittling one another immediately afterwards or would you suddenly realize that the world has drastically changed so nothing else really matters except exploring this new unknown. The Asylum has set up a film in which works well on one side of the coin whenever the Megashark pops up out of nowhere and causes a lot of collateral damage yet whenever Giant Octopus tries a relatively similar approach it becomes painfully repetitive. No matter how many times you see an octopus there’s nothing to get excited about it always has the same eight apendages so watching a tentacle fly out of the ocean and take down a navy aircraft or destroy an oil rig is about as exhilarating as working on your taxes or catching a marathon of The Boring World of Niels Bohr. Megashark vs. Giant Octopus teaches viewers valuable life lessons the likes of ‘Don’t love the ocean too much, it doesn’t love you back!’ or if you’re traveling on a jumbo commercial airliner and some turbulence begins to rock the plane whatever you do don’t tell the stewardess that you’re getting married in two days. Such a proclamation will only bring about the harbinger of death as well as an entirely new meaning to the idiom – Jumping the Shark. If you’re up to tackling this beast head on it’s going to take a pretty strong will and a high tolerance of bad acting from pretty much everyone who appears in front of the camera. As for the epic final confrontation between monstrosities there isn’t really much to write home about other than realizing you could probably be inspired to design a better ending with a keg of Old Milwaukee and a 10 year old copy of Adobe’s After Effects.

Final Grade: D+

Schlocktoberfest 2K16 Day 18: Storage 24 (2012)

Definitely not the best time for a game of peek a boo I see you.
Definitely not the best time for a game of peek a boo I see you.

Synopsis: In London, a military plane crashes leaving its highly classified contents strewn across the city. Completely unaware that the city is in lockdown, a group of people become trapped inside a storage facility with a highly unwelcome guest.

One of the primary reasons that I enjoy exploring the direct to video realm is that feeling of unpredictably. Independent film makers are not afraid to march to the beat of their own drum and will go for a lot of outside the box ideas that usually don’t fly too well in Hollywood. An idea in its simplest form can take audiences into unknown areas yet it usually depends on how well executed said idea can be once it becomes a reality. Today we’re going to be looking at an ambitious horror/sci-fi crossbreed that borrows from a wide assortment of inspirations including the reality television show Storage Wars, movies the likes of Alien, Super 8, Cloverfield, and various slasher elements which were taken from Halloween, Friday the 13th, and A Nightmare on Elm Street. Whenever a director can build a tension filled thriller using an unknown evil and having a group of people trapped in an enclosed space its pretty much a given that you’re going to get something that will keep your heart beating a mile a minute. No one ever wants to be put into a situation where they have their back against the wall (both literally and figuratively) especially when intense situations can bring out a wide array of stressful emotions including anger, fear, denial, and paranoia yet its how we’re able to compose ourselves in those instances that will either help us escape harm or will lead to our eventual downfall.

This is undoubtedly a blood soaked gooey slime riddled alien infestation that die hard b-movie fans will have no problems warming up to. The first half hour is definitely the weakest part of the film with the build up to the alien reveal was rather excruciating but once that precise moment comes its wonderfully executed. Granted the scene plays out exactly like the reveal of the Xenomorph and there will be some that say it’s too much of a ripoff nevertheless when you notice the amount of detail that went into the overall design of this creature you’ll appreciate the old school tip of the hat to that genuine style of movie magic from two to three decades ago. If anything the alien in Storage 24 is what makes the movie a must watch. I loved the personality this thing had as it’s definitely not a distant cousin of E.T., he’s not here to make friends or phone home. When he comes into contact with humans he’s curious as to what makes us tick to the point where he ends up pulling the heart out of a victim as well as a couple other parts of the circulatory system. The main look is somewhat reminiscent of the Predator with the alien’s mouth being covered in mandibles and yet unlike the Predator he actually has a use for them by getting up close and very personal with any poor soul who tries to take this menace on in a fight. Overall Storage 24 fits into what I’d call the severely flawed masterpiece category as the negatives tend to focus on trying too hard to make viewers care for the main cast or having the ending itself rely on a Twilight Zone or Men In Black shock/twist that ultimately just felt pretty emotionless like it was tacked on for the sake of being nothing more than Close Encounters of the Cliched Kind.

Final Grade: D