Schlocktoberfest 2K16 Day 22: Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies (2012)

The Great Emancipator, The Great American Ass Kicker!
The Great Emancipator, The Great American Ass Kicker!

Synopsis: While the Civil War rages on, President Abraham Lincoln must undertake an even more daunting task – destroying the Confederate Undead.

Over the course of the history of the film industry there have been many portrayals of Honest Abe whether its Frank McGlynn, Sr or Robert V. Barron to more recent interpretations from Benjamin Walker and Daniel Day Lewis.  2010 would see Lincoln’s popularity soar to new heights in the most unusual way when author Seth Grahame-Smith gave the world an interesting horror/alternate history mash up cleverly titled Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter about how the future 16th president led a secret life hunting down and killing unholy bloodsuckers. The book became an instant hit and a couple years later would spawn a feature film adaptation in which the aforementioned Benjamin Walker starred in the title role. Before the movie had a chance to hit theaters the masters of mockbusters over at The Asylum struck with their own alternate version of history as President Lincoln had an even bigger threat to conquer besides slavery – a zombie outbreak. Like any Asylum production the normal rules of right and wrong don’t apply and absurdity ultimately wins the day. Someone must have dropped acid before they cracked open a U.S. history book and took almost every major historical icon from the era and intertwined them into the story. Besides Lincoln himself the cast of characters are rounded out by a young Teddy Roosevelt, Confederate General Stonewall Jackson, future Wild West lawman Pat Garrett, and the infamous John Wilkes Booth who is working as a double agent planted inside Lincoln’s secret service. Everything is set into motion with Abe in the middle of writing The Gettysburg Address but then he is quickly interrupted and informed of a mysterious outbreak that has hit in a southern fort where people who have succumbed to the disease reanimate as the mindless walking dead and have an intense craving for living flesh. Reminded of an earlier incident that took place during his youth in which he lost both of his parents Honest Abe immediately jumps into action by personally leading a group of men on a daring mission to stop this infestation from spreading throughout America. Okay on second thought whoever came up with this is an absolute genius because for as absurd as it sounds you have to witness the beautiful carnage that is unleashed in this mockbuster masterpiece for yourself, its simply a sight to be seen. Where else are you going to get the opportunity to watch a legendary U.S. president running around lopping zombie’s heads off with a retractable scythe? Good luck trying to find anything the likes of that on the History Channel and if you’re expecting Spielberg’s overly dramatic Lincoln to be a man of (kicka$$) action I hate to break it to you but you’re going to be severely disappointed.

When I first watched Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies during the summer of 2012 I couldn’t believe how thoroughly enjoyable the finished results were. This ranks in as the absolute best Asylum film and I have no problems putting the Direct 2 Video Dungeon seal of approval on this bad boy. If you love getting friends together for a bad movie night Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies goes right to the very top of the list of recommendations. As someone who saw Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter in 3D I’ll admit that I had a lot of fun with both the blockbuster and the mockbuster yet it’s watching Abe wield a scythe like a madman that ends up getting higher replay value in this household. Anyone who goes into Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies with a serious attitude needs to get off their high horse and leave your brain with one of the undead. If there was any one complaint its that a lot of the actors used fake beards which is a tad unfortunate as if there had been a six month prep period there might have been several actors who would’ve given Kurt Russell and the rest of the cast of John Carpenter’s The Thing a run for their money in the most manly facial hair department. Apart from that ALvZ is a fun filled horror mash up chalked full of blood, brains, and gore so what are you waiting for? Nothing helps celebrate Abraham Lincoln’s birthday better than watching the 16th president open up a can and dispense it in grand low budget fashion.

Final Grade: A


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