Schlocktoberfest 2K15 Day 27: Breeders (1986)

Excuse me Miss you have a little something on your face... No on second thought you're good.
Excuse me Miss you have a little something on your face… No on second thought you’re good.

Synopsis: A detective and doctor tie a string of rapes to bug-eyed aliens who are posing as humans in order to multiply.

Well now that I’ve sat through the 1986 version of Breeders I’ll bravely admit that it has several advantages over its 1997 counterpart the one most distinctive among them is being a byproduct of the mid-1980s itself. All the call signs are there from the leopard print clothing to the aqua-net infused mounds of permed hair to the tacky synthesizer music. Instead of wasting time trying to establish where an alien race of giant flies that look like the rejected designs from a Roger Corman production come from Breeders instead attempts to go for sheer shock value by having these fly creatures hide in human form attacking young virgin women since they are the most pure out of all the human race to mate with. Yeah I’m going to pull the bullsh*t card here as all of the young women the aliens go after cake on way too much makeup and flaunt themselves for any member of the opposite sex that so happens to walk into camera frame. One girl in particular is an aspiring model decides while on a lunch break from a photo shoot to do a line of cocaine, put on some gag inducing background music, peel off her two piece bikini, and do aerobics in front of a window. Unlike the prototypical slasher flicks that were hitting their stride at this exact point in time there isn’t one innocent final girl to grab an industrial barrel of Raid and do away with these perverted alien parasites once and for all. The director probably didn’t even second guess himself in deciding to walk down a path so trashy that it would make both Glad and Hefty blush.

So out of Breeders ’86 and ’97 which is the better film? Hmm that’s a tough answer they both go below mundane standards. Breeders ’97 wins out as a more tolerable form of entertainment whereas Breeders ’86 spins around dizzily with no other purpose other than having ample amounts of T&A flashed whenever the bad acting starts to come off the rails. It’s really too bad there wasn’t a way to take all the excessive female nudity and combine that with the remarkable practical effect alien from Breeders ’97. There is definitely no reason to even think that a ‘third times a charm’ re-remake rule with this weird barely erotic sci-fi/horror film series would apply here. If you enjoy getting more than the average breast flash with only four more days remaining in October my recommendation is to skip both of these and find something Halloween themed on The Spice Channel instead.

Final Rating: D- 

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